五月

五月，有点淡淡的忧伤。

外公撒手人寰，溘然离世留下冗长的回声。我偷偷打开回忆的闸门，在眼泪侵袭前轻轻关上，然后继续生活。沉闷的空气中，却没有城市的窒息，至少清新。对现在的工作渐渐失去憧憬，不是应付不来，而是觉得可以选择不被这样的工作剥夺。

虽想潇潇洒洒放下所有的一切，但无法逃离现实，还得忍耐磨练自己的不足，等待最佳时机。

多久没有无忧无虑地跳跃。我才发现，忘记如何细细品味生活。应该来个小旅行吧。

TALK - ACTION = SHIT

骨子里一直埋藏的冲动，
常常会被理智和已定的格式与规则给吞没。
生活的规矩，
其实也就在抹杀顽强挣扎的勇气。

因为这样，常说的 “想要”，

没有实行，也只是个 “想” 字。

偶尔想起说过要实现的梦想，
答应为朋友做的一些事，
却一直碍着没时间的借口而迟迟未好好地计划一番，
到现在还只是一个
虚。

 

惭愧。

 

生活，
有时需要点冲动，
需要点叛逆，
跌跌撞撞后才找到心灵的归宿、
真正的自己。

年轻时总要为自己喜欢的一些人，
一些事疯狂一回， 

为青春留下点纪念。
别人会反对，会笑你神经病，
只因为他畏惧，
没有勇气去尝试疯狂一次。

我们只要不把自己看得小小的，
作了决定后就去做，
彻底地、认真地为梦想疯狂。

敢敢去！X)

追。梦。

2008年4月7日，我踏入了达尔尚学院。
2011年3月5日，我正式完成插画课程。 

在这三年里，

曾经近1个礼拜天天只睡3小时，
曾经觉得自己在浪费爸妈的钱，
曾经怀疑自己不可以，
曾经压力过大而失眠，
曾经无法承受而哭泣，
曾经忙到整天没吃饭，
曾经做了一堆垃圾，
曾经想什么都不理，
曾经差点精神崩溃，
曾经想过放弃。

感谢这一切的曾经，
感谢生活让我学习很多，
感谢爸爸妈妈这么辛苦把我抚养长大，
感谢爸爸妈妈尊重我的选择，
感谢达尔尚的院长与老师的细心栽培，
感谢082战友的帮忙与支持，
感谢朋友的体谅与鼓励，
感谢自己的坚定，
感谢自己对得起自己，
感谢艺术。

我毕业了。
我有梦要追。
我在努力, 变得更出色。
我希望有一天我的作品能让你们的生活更有意义、更幸福。
加油。=）

"DREAM AND GIVE YOURSELF A PERMISSION TO ENVISION A YOU THAT YOU CHOOSE TO BE." - JOY PAGE

Wound

I don't like to do this.
I pretend that I don't mind.
Indeed, I'm scared to talk about this.
Tears of mad and disappointment like to drop off secretly,
but I always hold back.
Only there was 2 times I failed to. 

I envy others own the thing I have been lost for a long time.
May be the wound would never fully healed.
But the wound grew me up.
It is not deep, but it is hurts.

=)

It is not a real one until there is a fight or argument.
It made me wept, yet I knew that I care.

I’m sorry.
Thank you so much. Love always=)

只要我还有能力。

我尝试着改变这样的局面，却常常给局面征服。

我努力地平息这样的澎湃，却常常弄巧反拙。

我时时刻刻地提醒自己做出好的改变，以说服身边的人，一起改变，
可是一个出错，就要重新来过。

有时候，不是不说，而是说了，还是一样的结果。
唯有做出成绩，才不会有刺耳的声音。
这责任，是一辈子的。
我却害怕，只有物质才能挽回。
忍气吞声，也会有爆发的时候，
然而最后承担收拾残局的责任，就落在自己身上。

感慨我努力得不够。
感恩我还在努力中。
只要一天有能力，都要坚持下去。

Scream.

Maybe, I should find a good place, and scream out loud as much as I can. And start again.

好久没吃的咖喱酥

一个人走，就是在学习。
是有点儿困，但我还是清醒。
清醒不意味着不会做错决定。
一路上，问题很多，想想这个决定有好也有坏。
是我过于认真吗？
一直以来，这是在利用吗？
这个真的行吗？
真的有点担心。

到了。心不再沉重。
因为这美丽的误会，与您结了缘。
又是一个新的经验 - 写了5本单据。
当中大家在看着实在猜不到的潦草字的模样，我很喜欢。
还有，美味的爱心咖喱酥！赞！

 

游艺走月半山芭祭

第一次真正地走进这已有140年历史的地方，才发现它不是我想的杂乱。

走在半山芭的街道，感受到了其未沾染的纯美，发现了其深具历史价值的风貌。 感叹今日的新生活已渐渐没落、辗平它珍贵的回忆，因为没有好好地发掘及维护它的价值，因为所谓的文化定义的无智歪论，导致一些老建筑物如百年半山芭监狱， 老戏院等都被拆或改装，狂妄摧毁。唉，真的很令人惋惜。年轻的一代，已沉沦在今日文明，觉得文化艺术这东西是沉闷的，这么无聊走路欣赏文化，不如血拼、看电影、打电动。庆幸还找到知音，愿意放下手头上的事物，走尽10个小时，去瞭解半山芭的历史，华人文化。

透过半山芭的历史片段，口述历史记载，旧照片，旧事物如30年前的电影海报、吹风筒、戏院座位等，更深一层了解半山芭的故事及许多历史事件如513事件、英 殖民时代等。一些居住那儿已久的老半山芭人看照片大声述说当年的旧事，体会到他们心中的无奈和怀旧。在创意市集里排摊的多数都是达尔尚的，见识到他们对艺术的热诚，让我们蠢蠢欲动，也想搞个新计划。晚上的游艺走月，真的很难忘。提着灯笼，游走半山芭，途中欣赏别有心栽的节目有戏剧表演、乡音考古的客家童谣、女高音、粤剧海南小品、舞狮舞龙、街头表演、舞踏表演，虽然很累，但是真的很有意思，很好玩。当中最好笑的是海南小品，那位安娣呼吁大家在面子书加他为友！

我对着DJ吉安的电话跟着他念了客家童谣，说真的很好听。或许你会认为有点神经。我曾经认为这DJ的节目怎么会那么奇怪、诡异、恐怖，而慢慢了解后，才知道背后的意义。

月光光，秀才郎， 騎白馬，過蓮塘，

蓮塘背，種韭菜， 韭菜花，結親家。

親家門前一口塘， 畜介鯉嘛八尺長，

長介拿來煮酒食， 短介留來討哺娘。

討介哺娘高天天， 煮介飯啊臭火煙；

討介哺娘矮嘟嘟， 煮介飯啊香馥馥。

有你们这些知音，很不错。 

Wake up.

Life is not messy but it is a little bit depressing. Quite impatient, and disappointed recently.Relapse on back and the ringing in the ears make things worst. Easily to get mad on other's thing too in the meantime others take it for granted. Quite silly and tiring.

Breaking my word is bringing me a little bit stress, even though I didn't reveal it. I dislike this. I ever hesitate whether this is a wrong and impulsive decision, but it is useless and only thing to do is to finish it nicely. This is my words to myself. This is about my reputation, my future. This is a chance. Come on, do it again.

Actions speak louder than words. Just keep quiet and speak out at the right time. Trust me, the result will be better. Don't get wrong, it is only limited in good thing.

Keep my words.

给一点时间。

1天1夜的思考，
9个小时的等候，
30 分钟的告白后，
世界开始降温。

同属在一个空间，却像隔了一层似薄似厚的膜。
割破，需要一天的观察？
毕竟举报失踪案也得等24小时。

后视镜里，反映着无奈，烦躁，凌乱，
荧幕徘徊在15个小时前。
卧在被窝，以为泪已完成任务，
却还有5分钟的后续。
是怎么了？
是最近真的太累，撑了好久，想释怀？
还是配合剧情需要？
还是真的为你流泪。。。

上一次的泪水是心痛，
 这一次又是什么？
是信心在动摇。
即使有猜透的能力，也有错的时候。
即使是喜欢谈心，也有忽略感受的时候。
即使再坚强的表面，也有脆弱的时候。

我不是好人。
我有错。
错在不够狠狠地放手让你走。
错在最后30分钟狠狠给的痛。
这次不再犯错，
愿这不会是个错。

不是放弃你。
来吧！再来一次！
3，2，1。





听自己。

做自己。

追自己。






等你回来。

$$$

Friday morning, I received a call from dasein. I thought the finance girl would ask for my May's school fees at first since every payment should be made before 15th. I felt relieved when she informed me about the scholarship, and suggested me to use it for May's payment, and pay for June in the same time (contra). Yes, I hit my target to be the top student based on my last semester's result, and the college offers the scholarship. I'm thankful to all the lecturers and friends who have been helping me a lot since foundation. It is an encouragement for me to keep it up but it is also a pressure because it is not easy to maintain the GPA especially in third year. And what I'm proud of is I had cleared the debt that I borrowed from mum to learn driving in the last Dec, and relieve my mum's burden to pay for my May's fee! I will try my best  to achieve my next goal and so to "earn"
 more money.

(God treats me well because my mum told me, the government announced that  next year all the P license driver needs to sit for exam to get L license...haha....my P license is still valid for 11'2 years...= =)

Because you loved me.

There are a lot of unpredictable challenges in our life. Strong strength is not enough for someone who is lost, he or she needs a lot of supports to move on. The love from family, friends, lover and even pets can let you keep the light from fading. I just want to share this wonderful and familiar song to all of you suddenly. Remember, life is precious. Make your everyday full of happiness because there are a lot of people loving you and me, so do we are ;-)

Because You Loved Me- Celine Dion

For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love I found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby

You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through
through it all

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I a Because you loved me

You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand I could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and I stood tall
I had your love I had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me

Maybe I don't know that much
But I know this much is true
I was blessed because I was loved by you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

You were always there for me
The tender wind that carried me
A light in the dark shining your love into my life
You've been my inspiration
Through the lies you were the truth
My world is a better place because of you

You were my strength when I was weak
You were my voice when I couldn't speak
You were my eyes when I couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when I couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything I am
Because you loved me

40个真理

1. 我喜欢喝牛奶，希望可以去纽西兰挤牛奶~
2. 芝士是我的最爱~
3. 我妹说我很像家里的piggy。
4. 我不喜欢asam laksa 酸酸的味道~ 
5. 以前给自己太大压力了。
6. 现在想通了，开心就好啦！
7. 偶尔需要默不作声，不是毫不知情，只是少惹是非，做好本分。
8. 讲太多，最后一定做不到。
9. 一个很有钱的人，却还要埋怨这个那个，我实在看不过眼。
10. 发脾气，故意地敲敲打打，真的很不好。
11. 我家有这样的文化。
12. 我庆幸我是出淤泥而不染。
13. 我有畏高症~
14. 每个人看到我的手，就会讲：“cc,你很多毛叻~”,不然就会手痒痒，“拔苗助长”~
15. 钱，真的可以让人很暴躁。 
16. 我真的很希望现在中toto。
17. 有些事想得太多，等你决定好了，早已失去当初的沸腾。
18. 我还没有资格去爱一个人。
19. 我最想做的，是让我的家人活得更好，但是我一直做不到。
20. 何时才能让妈咪真的开开心心地笑，这个问题好无奈。
21. 从小到现在，我都认为用左手写字很酷！
22. 小时候和现在的差别总很大。
23. 当局者迷，旁观者清。
24. 与其说有梦的人傻，不如说无梦的人悲。
25. 慢慢来，比较快。
26. 能够做朋友是缘分。
27. 相信我，放下憎恨，你会自问为什么你不早点这么做~我遗憾还不能改变你的想法。
28. 等待，不如寻找；寻找，不如创造。
29. 不要为了一点小事和挫折而放弃，你会让我看不起你。
30. 一句话连续重复2次或以上，是真心话。
31. 我的右眼比左眼小。
32. 果酱配苏打饼，我一吃就停不了口。
33. 我坚持不喝nescafe。
34. 说一句很真诚对不起，对我来讲，有点难。
35. 简单的祝福能暂时让寂寞好了。
36. 坚强的人，其实是脆弱的。
37. 闲或有压力的时候，我会习惯地唱：“为何永远放不低~”
38. 你不好问我点解啦，我都唔知点解啊...
39. 但是，唱咗又爽爽地喔...
40. 所以哇， 开心就好啦！^ ^

完美方程式？

每一种颜色都有自己的美。
然而，人的一时迷糊，
贪婪地调动它们自然的均匀度，
慢慢的，鲜彩被污浊了。
被蒙蔽的心，无法控制地爱上灰色。
灰色，一个没有距离的颜色。
人滥用它调和的地位，变成了挑拨离间的使者，
不知情地跌进无法测量的谷底。
游戏的刺激性，决定灰色的巴仙率。

不甘心白色拥有着纯洁的衣裳，
不专业地加了红色，
你...胜利了吗？
你错了，它更要感谢你，
你让它变得更加出色了。

嘘......
我听到了。
我不作声。
不是害怕，
是因为我和你不一样。
你的野心，向我宣战了。
我的平常心，还是抱着一样的心态，
去追求，去看待，
做人坦诚，
开心就好啦。


我为你祈祷，不在精心炮制的迷宫里，在出口找到我。





p/s:1) 告诉你，我最近爱上蔡旻佑的歌。
     2) 我感冒了。>__<

记得感恩。

那一刻，很怕。
一直提醒自己，
不能哭，保持冷静。

感谢2 位auntie，
没有您的镇定，我不敢想象，
她会怎么办。
没有您的出现，
生活也就少了保障。
没有您们，
生活上也会遇到更加多的困扰。
谢谢你们的到访，帮助 和关心。
 
小的比较情绪化，
不敢相信眼前的事实，
豪放大哭。
这时候，我更加不能掉眼泪，不可以。

看着您的伤口，
您的步伐，
我很心痛。
感谢上帝，
让我更加懂得珍惜，
让我知道我要更加自立，
让我更加要争气。

明天不知道能不能看你表演了。
但是你却要表演得更好，
这是责任，更是你学会坚强的时候。
舞台没了你的出神入化，会不精彩。
我会照顾她。
加油，
不要为自己留下多一份遗憾，
更不要让我们失望。

piggy, 你今天特别乖，
改天奖赏你。


记得，
不要埋怨，不要懒惰，不要依赖。
要关心， 要感恩，要珍惜。


感谢朋友的关心。
我懂得怎么做。


我会一直祈祷。

咪，明天就和您在家看偶像的爱在首尔吧。

your next step?

Excuses always spread out an illusion of beauty.

Humans like excuses, even though they know it could make them to the wrong path and destroy their bright prospect bit by bit, because of another excuse-laziness.

If someone asks u: What do u desire? And your answer is I don't know.Sometimes, is it you really don't know or you don't ever think it, or you have no dare to do it? In your mind, you want it, but in reality, you keep in your heart, and do not do something to realize it. You might do it, but it is still lack of something called confidence and persistence.

Humans are scared to ask, lazy to ask, although the master is standing in front of them and waiting to give answer. Yet,they're waiting to be given answer. The answer is useless if you don't care about it.

Sometimes, people might not agree with your thought. Nevertheless, don't give yourself excuse: No one support me, I better give up. You might go on alone. It might be tough and cruel, but you shouldn't give up your mind. You might not influence people's mind now,but if you continue, people will flow with you one day.

Every time you fall, think why do you fall. Don't repeat the mistake because the next mistake is coming. If you're tired, give your soul a sufficient rest. Don't rest until you become lazy and lose the passion. When you're ready, do it again and create a better scene.

Be prepare to climb the rocky mountain. If you want it, you will do it.
Don't said you are not qualified yet, because the only disqualified person is the person who is like to wait and give excuse. Some situations may lead you loss one's head and fail again, but if you choose to stand up and do again, things will change better little by little and finally reach to success, no matter it is a small o big dream.

Yet, don't force yourself too much.
The most important thing is to live happily and meaningfully.
Perhaps all these seem useless at certain time.
Be patient.
Only go if you really want to do it.


For you, for me. Good luck :-)

不变的态度，跌了再站起来也会停步

人生有高有低，
高潮时，要把握机会，
低潮时，要思考，为自己制造机会。

面对着电脑，手不停地画，
目标只有一个，一定要过关。
无论有任何的困难，都要把这一切划上句点，
不完美也好，却没有遗憾。

这一夜过去,我尽力了，你却在这时候止步，
我预料着逃不过这一节。

担心你。
有了一次，就会有下一次。
有时候你的举动让我血液循环，有时候我面目表情，有时候很疯狂，
每一天都不一样，
唯有一样没变，只要一天我们还在这里，
你有困难，我一定会尽力帮你过关。

你说，不必担心我，我没事。
你认为我会放弃吗？
或许你从小到大被过度保护，
有时候遇到小小龙卷风，就是那个样，
皱眉头，眯眼睛，抓头发，乱喊乱叫。。。
以前觉得没什么，日子久了，麻木了，现在却开始反感。

我不太懂。很难吗？
我的口水应该把你疲累的身躯淹没了，剩下你脑袋的迷宫，
让你用我给你的bonus，慢慢闯关，走出迷宫。
机会不停地和你招手，你没跟他们握手拥抱，
意味回眸。
就这样，跌倒了。跌了无数。

你站起来，需要适应的时间比人多。
思考，你有，可是走不出来。
每开始适应后，
恶性又再次侵犯，你又再次抵抗不了，
用回同样的策略，享受同样的结果。

不是每一次都那么幸运，
困难是难非难，在于你怎么去衡量。
思考得多，却没有标准的重量，
只会让我们止步。

这一次后，你要逃跑，
逃出19年来经营的保护区，体验长大，
留下更多脚步的烙印，而且每一步都要那么值得回忆。

加油。

every dream is an omen

I dreamed. The dream is still vivid,i still remember the important part, because it is related to rat, me, my love partner, my best friend, and even famous singers. I think that is a message for me, so when i woke up, i quickly search it online to interpret it. Mum said the the message behind dream u dreamed in the morning is usually very accurate.

My dream: 1st, very funny. i dreamed about AVRIL LAVIGNE! It seems like i'm watching mv. She was rowing boat to the seaside. It was an island. There was a constructing building. There were stalls selling food. Then, Avril gone,my friend came. ONe of the stall was actually using cream to make flowers,some beautiful things.Then, I said to my friend:" very creamy!" (rejecting)

Then day turned dark. Both of us walking all along the road, chating gently. Walked and walked, suddenly got function. We walked in. Then I saw zhen. I was trying to ignore, like very emo.

We went toilet, funny, my friend enter the man's toilet. Luckily, no one inside. Then I gt sms from zhen. is like " we need to talk". Then, in our chat, he said i change to be less talkative recently. What is very funny is, he suddenly turn into 潘玮柏, saying hi to AKON at the stairchase. Then, I said nothing and walked away to toilet.

In the toilet (this is the climax), there was something jumped to my shoulder! It was rat! I was holding it, and couldn't let go. I tried to scream loud, but the voice was not coming out! I don't know whether i was bitten by rat, then i let it go, now only i screamed... Then i woke up.

And you know what, the dream interpretation, it is quite accurate...

These are the interpretation,i'm lazy to conclude it all:

Rat:

A rat is a sign that negative influences are undermining your vitality. Dreams about rats and mice usually reflect the worries which are "gnawing" you. Seeing a rat: you will go through some unpleasant experience with other people. If you are bitten by a rat in the dream, be aware that one of your friends is determined to ruin your reputation. If you catch or kill a rat, it is a warning about trouble in your love relationship or friendship.

To see lab animals in your dream, suggests that an aspect of yourself is being repressed. You feel that you are not able to fully express your desires and emotions. Alternatively, it suggests that you need to experiment with your fears, choices, and beliefs. Try not to limit yourself.

Best friend :

If there is some situation or incident that has happened recently then the appearance of a best friend maybe very much linked to that. But if that is not the case then their appearance maybe symbolic. In such cases the best friend can often symbolise your ideal situation or preferred outcome.

Beach:
To see yourself working on a beach shows that you will soon be involved with a job, or project, that will be demanding of you in both time and effort. If you are just relaxing on a beach this shows that you value the calm feelings that family get togethers lend to you, and if you see yourself sitting on a beach and letting the sand run through your fingers that shows that you are running out of time on something important due to idling your time away.

Building:
If the buildings you dream of are stately and majestic you could have to much ceremony in your life and not enough everyday good people attitudes. If the buildings are beautiful with lots of green lawn around them then are you destined for a life of plenty. Should the buildings be dilapidated and in ruins then this will show that you will have business or love problems with the likelihood of loss very high.

Boyfriend:

Dreaming about your real-life boyfriend can mean he's on your mind for a particular reason right now. Pay attention to what's happening in the dream for cues about your thoughts and feelings toward your boyfriend or the relationship.

Singer:
To see a famous singer in your dream, represents harmony and some divine influence or vibrations. It indicates glorification of the human spirit. Consider also your general impression of this singer and how those specific qualities may be triggered by someone or some situation in your waking life.

wooooowwwwww.....

It is accurate that i have somthing worry in my mind. i dream about my friend who is also facing mostly the same thing with me. I'm unable to fullfill my desires. Tons of homeworks making me crazy.I'm hot temper recently, not good people everyday. I didn't go out with my bf to celebrate 1st anniversary for some reasons and i feel not really happy with it. God is telling me. I shouldn't limit myself.

Somtimes, don't ignore ur dream, it mb a msg to u.

another level

Recently, I'm kinda losing my patience. It seem staying away from me these days. I speak loudly, crack back when sis and mum grumbling about me. I got many things worry in my mind, so seem like nothing suits me. I'm easily to get impatient with my family's act, friends' deed, and even myself.

Holidays...I spent too much on entertainments. Or maybe I don't want to face the assignments, it is exhausting. Now left one week to finish it. Oh devil, u must be enjoying ur moment. I'm glad to spend the precious time with you...>~<

I think about my present and future. I searched many awesome artworks and tutorials,company and studio, realising I'm really really tiny. I'm getting not enthuse for what I'm doing currently. I can't do what i want to do. I feel like many little obstacles are making my plans upside down. The unsastifying result, making my mind fly to the words "give up". "Give up",I never spell this to my heart. May be it is not giving up, I'm escaping. I'm losing confidence.

I wonder, what I actually want to do, and what I like to do, I mean in art. What is my job in my future? Am I going to draw comic? or concept art? or making diy based on my illustration knowledge? I'm worrying and start to hate myself why my skill, my speed and my idea is still not up to the mark.

Then, I recall what lecturer said to us. It is not the question you can't make it, it is the question do you want to make it. Yes, I want to make it. So, just do it! To success, we must always improve ourselves,attitude, knowledges, skills and more and more. Be responsible to your decision. We need not to worry if we are really good. It is normal to worry about future, especially at this level, but why not we do it and put many effort on it rather than worrying? Time is precious. Appreciate the good opportunity.


Now,the thing I need to do is to improve myself. New cc, is generating...

Don't forget to love yourself and people who love you too.